Funny Things :)

Hello to all you wonderful people out there. I am so grateful for each and every one of you.

There have been a few readers who believe me to be the Julie Kelly of January 6^th fame. I appreciate the compliment and I wish that I was but I am not. Her last name is spelled Kelly and mine is Kelley. Sorry for any confusion.

In this article I want to make it a bit more light-hearted so without further ado here we go. Just to talk about funny experiences in my life. I have to admit that I am pretty naïve and I am a bit too trusting.

Let me begin by saying that I get so focused on my goal that I don’t look around or think. I just see something and don’t see anything else on the way to that object. It is even worse when I have a cold. My brain is stuffed up. My normal mode of thinking doesn’t work, which exaggerates my “stupidity”. It is important to know that each of the three times I had stitches I had a cold.

Just plain funny or it should be

I was 5 when I first learned about consequences. I was always very curious and my favorite word was “why”. I was in the house because I had a cold and my brother and his friends were playing croquet. It was cold and rainy but I didn’t care where my brother was I needed to be there too! So I decided to go and see how it works. To figure it out I got right down behind the ball to watch as my brother swung the croquet mallet and hit me square in the chin. Well I spent the next few hours in the ER getting sewn up.

How many of you have ever taken an adult’s drink that had been used as an ashtray? Those who did know how terrible it tasted. I still can remember that taste!! There is nothing like it! I think it is probably a 70’s thing.

When I was younger we would go downtown to the 5 & 10 store to buy stuff. You know the garbage that you buy as kids that doesn’t mean anything. I always like to buy a lot of cheap things and the first thing I did when I got home I poured it all on my bed. I had so much fun just going through it all again. Now I shop on Temu and I can buy sparkly rings for $2.00, or less.

I decided to give myself a 16^th birthday party. I never had birthday parties so I decided it was time. We had a 4’ tall round doughboy pool. I spent all day cleaning the house and making food for the party. I worked myself into exhaustion. I didn’t have the energy for the party. I am sure I am not the only one who does that.

Well my best friend, Carolyn and I got into the pool. I had placed a clamp-on light on the edge of the pool. I thought it was time to turn it on. Except I was inside the pool when I went to grab the metal handle. The water rippled with the electricity running through it. Carolyn started screaming “I am dying”. I thought to myself I am dying because I was the one who grabbed it. My father was too drunk to do anything so my close friend, Colleen stepped in and took charge, calmly walking over and turning the light off. Great first move!! Then she told us to calm down and walk up and out on the wood steps. By that time, with no current running through the water the metal handles didn’t hurt us. I have never forgotten that birthday.

When I was 19 I went on a vacation to the islands of Hawaii by myself. When I told people what I was going by myself their response was what if you get killed? My response was “why would I open the door?” That shut them up.

Well on that trip I went on to do more stupid or funny things. I went to the Big Island first and I stayed in Hilo. The first place I stayed was at a 2 story complex. One night I woke up and a huge cockroach crawled out of the bed side table. This was after one crawled out of the silverware drawer. That was it. The very next day I moved into the Hilo Lagoon hotel, almost to the top floor. I figured the cockroaches wouldn’t come up there, and I was right.

Kilauea blew its top during my trip. The day after it exploded I went on a date with a short Japanese man I met. When we were walking on the trail, the trail was raised from the eruption. I had to make sure to always step on the lowered earth. I am 5’2” and I am not used to being the tall one. J

Then I went to Maui. I never dated but I foolishly agreed to go on a date with the manager of the complex I was staying at. Then when he came to pick me up I chickened out. I shut all the lights out and hid on the floor. It’s pretty embarrassing but funny. Well I left that island quickly too.

I always over pack for trips. This was my first time traveling as an adult so I took too much. And then when I got there I bought a whole lot of stuff. I took pictures of me in my hotel room with a huge Hawaiian doll I bought. I was exhausted getting all of the stuff home.

On another trip to Hawaii I took almost every book I owned because I was going to read them all and take notes. Oh that was a really smart idea. I took a huge suitcase full of my books. It weighed about 75 lbs. at least. When I arrived in the humid tropics I had to move all that luggage on my own. People were staring at me. I did a little cursing at myself by then. People looked at me as if I was nuts. Well I am nuts and guess how many books I actually used. Probably about 3 out of 30.

When I was a teenager Patty Hearst was supposedly kidnapped and then joined her captors, PLO (Palestinian Liberation Organization). The police were looking for her. My best friend and I were driving around when we got pulled over. I looked out the side mirror I saw the officer undo the holster safety on his gun. That caused a bit of fear. When Carolyn gave him her driver’s license and insurance information he told us that he pulled us over because I looked like Patty Hearst. Funny after but not at the time. Actually I got pulled over another time because the police believed I was Patty Hearst again.

Stupid and Funny Much Later

All of our experiences are so much clearer in hindsight and you can laugh at some of the close calls you have had in your life. I wouldn’t say I exactly laughed at these stupid stunts but I do smile a bit when I think of them. I also know that God was present or I would have had some very serious consequences. I think it is important to be able to laugh at yourself. And believe me I have done a lot of laughing. J

After a bout of homelessness (almost 2 years) we finally got housing. It was in a trailer park on the East Side of my hometown, not a good side of my city. One night there were 3 guys in a car who came into the park and were making a lot of noise. I grabbed my best knife and went out to meet the threat. I had the blade out and I was holding it behind my back. I wasn’t scared of them. I did not sense any danger from them. Well we went back and forth and one of the guys asked if I had a knife behind my back. I told them yes and then we just sort of talked. I told them that the guy wasn’t home and maybe they should leave before someone called the cops. I had no intention of calling the police; I prefer to take the direct approach first. Once again God was with me.

It was at this same trailer park where I met a drug addict walking through the park. At the end of the park lived our local drug dealer. It was a cold night and so I brought her in to get her something to eat and something warm for her to wear, including gloves. She needed a ride back to someone’s house so I took her. I guess she had taken something before we left because she couldn’t remember where the place was. We drove around and I was about to run out of gas so I pulled over and asked her to get out. That went over like a lead balloon. She didn’t get out of my car and I spent about 15 minutes trying to convince her to get out. I can’t remember exactly what I said or even how I got her out of the car but I did it. Lesson learned. Avoid allowing people in your car who are on drugs.

Extra thoughts

I also raised my boys to understand that what they see on TV isn’t real. They watched the Transformers. I wasn’t too worried about that because they could see it was pretend and no Transformers were running on the streets. I wanted to minimize the effect of commercials on them. I told my eldest that not all women have big boobs like on TV. Being the wise man that he was he told me he knew that. Well call me astonished and pleased. But then both of my sons married large busted women. So much for that lesson. J

Little more explanation please.

My mom told me I couldn’t sit on men’s laps when I was 12. She never said why but I didn’t understand until way into my adulthood. Ah ha, now I know why. J

Mike telling me to not let guys touch my elbow, neck and my knee. Didn’t quite understand why but I slapped any guy who touched my knees. I figured it out before I became an adult though. I could handle a lot of information if my family could just be honest with me.

I expect to be back to whatever normal is for me real soon. Once again THANK YOU!

So for now I am going to say good-bye and God Bless You all.

Copyright 2025 Julie Kelley